Praise the Lord!! Our Article 5 letter was sent to Beijing yesterday, meaning we should get TA (travel approval) within 3 weeks. I can hardly believe we are getting this close. We had our "travel call" yesterday, which was a 2 1/2 hour conference call that our agency gives to families approaching travel. It cleared up a lot of questions we had, and I feel so much relief now knowing that their facilitator is literally with us from the time we get off the plane in Beijing, to Shanghai, to Guanzhou (not in the hotel room with us of course, lol). All of our hotel stays are booked thru them, along with our sightseeing tours we have to do while there. So ....a lot of my stress has gone down, just a little :) Now I can focus on bringing our sweet baby girl home and being ready for that.
Celebrated our youngest son's birthday last night! Happy Birthday, Collin, what a big 8 year old you are ..... and what a great big brother you will be soon!!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Raising Funds to travel!!!
To all my friends and family who have already graciously bought a fundraiser T-shirt, we thank you so much! It makes me so happy to see folks wearing them here and there, and they are such a witness to others about adoption. If you have not bought a shirt, and are wanting to, please go ahead and do so, as we are very close to traveling to meet our little girl. (simply click on the shirt link to the right). We will most likely close the fundraiser by August 1, so spread the word to please help send us to China and buy a shirt. We get 1/2 of every shirt sold, and we have raised only $200 so far. We have a long way to go, but we know the Lord is in control and it will all work out to His glory.
Praising the Lord for His provisions already,
Mandy
Praising the Lord for His provisions already,
Mandy
Friday, July 15, 2011
Do's and Dont's in Adoption
I read these early in our process of adoption, and wanted to share them now so we can all learn a bit before bringing Ava Grace home. I hope this will help our friends and family know why we may seem "over protective" at first. I share this with love ...
Do...
1. Trust the parent's instincts. Even a first time parent may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.
2. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the parent to see and understand.
3. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
4. Allow the parents to be the center of the child's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.
5. Tell the child every time you see her what a good/loving/safe mommy/daddy she has.
6. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the child looks like she really wants to be with Grandma, for example, she needs to have a strong attachment to her parents first. Something as simple as passing the child from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a child who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents' requests.
7. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
8. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many children do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don't...
1. Assume an child is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment.
2. Underestimate a new mother's instincts that something isn't right.
3. Judge the parent's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the parents feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. Accuse the parents of being overly sensitive or neurotic. They are in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You will be asked not to hold the child. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the child who her mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies and daddies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the child before she has accepted her forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the child had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the child up every time she cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time she cries. She needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of her and always keep her safe.
9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.
10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.
The following is a list of Do's and Don'ts that has been provided to adoptive parents to help family members and friends understand what to do to be supportive, and what not to do. We hope you find this helpful...
Do...
1. Trust the parent's instincts. Even a first time parent may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.
2. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the parent to see and understand.
3. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
4. Allow the parents to be the center of the child's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.
5. Tell the child every time you see her what a good/loving/safe mommy/daddy she has.
6. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the child looks like she really wants to be with Grandma, for example, she needs to have a strong attachment to her parents first. Something as simple as passing the child from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a child who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents' requests.
7. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
8. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many children do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don't...
1. Assume an child is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment.
2. Underestimate a new mother's instincts that something isn't right.
3. Judge the parent's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the parents feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. Accuse the parents of being overly sensitive or neurotic. They are in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You will be asked not to hold the child. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the child who her mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies and daddies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the child before she has accepted her forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the child had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the child up every time she cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time she cries. She needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of her and always keep her safe.
9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.
10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Only 1 more month!!!
I can hardly believe that we may be holding Ava Grace in our arms in a little over one month!! The anticipation, excitement, anxiety, and longing just to hold her, are all so similar to all the feelings I had when I was pregnant with Jace and Collin, my biological children. For those of you who have never adopted, it's hard to explain the love the Lord puts into your hearts for your children hundreds of miles away. I can tell you that the emotions I felt in the last trimester of pregnancy with our first two biological children are the identical emotions I feel right now. And the longing I have to hold Ava Grace right now is even more intense than the longing I had with my first two pregnancies because Ava Grace isn't safe in my belly but hundreds of miles away where I can't protect her. But my loving Father is holding her safely in His arms. And He is giving me bits of encouragement each day through friends, family, and blogs of others adopting also. I just read today of a family visiting Shanghai Children's Institute where they just adopted their 3 yr old daughter, and they spoke of how much the nannies loved the children, and how well taken care of they all were. That's where my sweet girl is!!! Praise the Lord for His mighty hands in taking care of her there!! Goodnight, and thank you for all of your prayers, please pray that God prepare Ava's heart for her forever family, and prepare our heart's as well ....
Monday, June 27, 2011
NVC Letter!!!
YES! We received our National Visa Center letter today!! Whahooo!! Now our agency requests an Article 5 to be issued, which takes approx. 3 weeks, then we wait for Travel Approval (TA). We also fed ex'd our own visa applications to travel today! We couldn't be happier, and the final countdown to meeting our little girl is ON .....
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Care Package #2
OK, so I know we just sent Ava Grace a little care package about 2 weeks ago, but I got to thinking, "Why didn't I send her any pictures of us"?? So you can guess what I had to do .... send another package, right?? YES! So Ann from Red Thread was so kind to get another package together with pictures I sent of all of us, labeled in Chinese with our names, Mama, Daddy, and big brothers, so she can start seeing us. I am so glad I did this, even though she is young :) So you'll notice the book is not in English on the front, as it should be. It was supposed to read "Who Loves Baby?" on the front, but Ann told me they were all out of English ones and only had French. How funny is that, that in China, they only had this French version?? Anyway, here are pics of the package that she should receive tomorrow, it included some donations to her orphanage....
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Thursday, June 16, 2011
I800 is here!!!!
Just wanted to let everyone know we are ONE step closer! We got a call from our babysitter at home that our I800 approval came in the mail today, YAY! And praise the Lord for this! Now .....we wait 1-2 weeks to get a letter from the National Visa Center (NVC letter) that will go to the consulate in China to apply for an Article 5 (part of the steps to her her VISA). My case worker still says we should get travel approval by mid August, and travel about 2 weeks after that, so we are looking at Labor Day travel :) Praying for sooner, though.
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